I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
