She said her name was "party"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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