I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
