If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
