Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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