We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
