Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
