Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
