He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
