on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
