Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
