Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
