Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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