I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He better not be in your backpack
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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