It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
