I just made out with a guy for $7.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
