just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
