how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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