I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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