I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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