I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
