Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
