Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
