Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
