That reminds me...we need to get swords
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
