I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
