apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
