my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
