This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
