quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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