she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
