dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
