cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so let's talk penis.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
