I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize