i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
