we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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