i was born a porn star she said
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
