Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
