I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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