Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
