the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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