capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
