This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
