please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
