These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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