I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Text me some of your sweat
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