It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
