I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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