I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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