and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
