i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
