the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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