that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
accomplished twins. life is a go
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
