This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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