she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
