Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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