Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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