taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
