take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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