You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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