The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
