I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
