Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
