he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
