I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
