i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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