and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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