last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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