I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
