Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
