I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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