woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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