But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
